Dead Peasants

Dead Peasants

Author: Stephen DeVoy

Dan and Rebecca were in a festive mood.  They had just cashed in to the tune of one million dollars.  They welcomed their friends to the small Austin , Texas restaurant featuring Dan’s favorite appetizer, fried pickle-chips.  Rebecca and Dan sat at the ends of the long banquet table.  They had chosen their guests carefully.  Other members of the circle of mutual admirers and certain useful employees meandered in and were seated around the table.

Dan was a rotund man.  He made his millions convincing government purse holders that awarding contracts to his firm would raise their personal profiles.  This evening, however, was not about that source of income.  The new windfall was earned by, shall we say, "more interesting means."

Rebecca was the director of Dan’s human resources department.  She was also his wife.  Her access to personnel files provided her with a wealth of information.  Rebecca had grown up in poverty, a member of a dysfunctional family.  Having become rich by choosing Dan’s dick as her lollipop, she enjoyed a sense of power beyond her wildest childhood dreams.  Power had become a drug, money was the root of that power, and her insatiable desire for more and more drove her devious mind to unparalleled lengths.  From time to time, her devious plans paid off.  This was one of those times.

Finally the guests were seated.  Orders were placed.  Food was carted out to the table.  The guests ate, stuffing their faces with the magnificent food until it was time for desert.  Dan stood up and with a knife he tapped the side of his water-glass.  The guests answered his call for attention and turned towards him, eager to hear the announcement.

Dan feigned a frown, "I have some bad news," Dan said.  He stood silent for five seconds.  The frown changed into a smile and he added, "but I have some good news too!  The bad news is that Joe is dead.  He jumped from the balcony of his apartment last night."

Dan looked around the table, staring into the eyes of his guests one by one.  Some remained emotionless.  Some smirked.

"Now for the good news!" he announced with a wide smile.  "Joe is dead!"  Dan raised his glass in triumph.

The guests broke out in wild applause.  Michael raised his glass and said, "To Joe, may be burn in hell!"

Everyone was giddy.  A number of conversations broke out and the restaurant was filled with excited chatter.  Dan picked up his knife and tapped his glass of water again.  The crowd fell silent.

"I know we've all worked very hard for this day.  Josh has put in countless evening stalking Joe online.  Cyndy worked enormous hours maintaining the defamation website.  My lawyer Phil, spent many hours shutting down Joe's websites, paying off contacts at Gurgle to remove all traces of Joe's name from their cache, and working the IndyMedia circuit to ban Joe's writings.  These dedicated workers have made us richer.  They deserve a reward.  Rebecca!" Dan called.

Rebecca rose from her chair, pulled three envelopes out from her pursue and handed one to Phil, one to Cyndy, and one to Josh.  Dan continued.

"I would like to express my special thanks to my wife, Rebecca.  It was her diligent efforts that uncovered Joe's history of depression.  She took the initiative of increasing Joe's insurance.  Without her keen observations and hard work none of this would have happened.  Let's all give a round of applause to Rebecca!"

The crowd of guest broke out in applause, "For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny…"

"I'd also like to thank the Austin Police Department whose contacts with other law enforcement agencies made tracking and gang stalking Joe all the easier.  I have this special check for Officer Smith.

"Now, I'd like you all to enjoy your dinner, take a week to rest and then meet me here next Saturday.  Rebecca has made a recent discovery about Nancy , which means there is plenty of work available for everyone.

"Cyndy, you can take the website down now.  You’ll need the server for the new job anyway."

Dan sat down.  He steepled his hands in a sign of superiority.  Desert arrived.

Copyright © 2004-2005, Stephen DeVoy. All rights reserved. No permission to reproduce is granted without explicit permission, in writing, of the author.