Letter to Mayor Quan from Occupy Portland

Dear Mayor Quan,

I would like to thank both you and the many police officers you summoned from the greater Oakland metro area for their excellent work this difficult weekend.

In particular, the calming, measured presence displayed by riot police while using door-to-door urban warfare techniques with guns drawn to stalk me and dozens of other terrified kids at the local YMCA, while innocent civilian gym members looked on, is to be commended. It is a testament to the bravery of the OPD that they were somehow able to overcome the difficult on-the-ground battlefield conditions created by the necessary deployment of these paramilitary units, with the terror and the screaming and the fleeing and whatnot, and still root out 24 cowering occupiers to immediately slap with felony charges in addition to four days of torture at the Santa Rita jail.

They certainly deserved it.

As we all know, innocent people, who have done nothing wrong, have no reason to run from police bearing down on them with loaded rifles and shotguns inside a YMCA hallway ten feet away. Running away, screaming in terror (common anarchist diversionary tactic) and hiding amongst innocent civilians simply trying to work out at the YMCA that night are not things innocent people do. Maybe after the Occupy President(s)? you have on speed dial finally disavow the occupy creeps and escaped felons you see fleeing the gym in the video I’ve provided, we can start up the FEMA camps!

Until then, trumped-up felony charges, forcing people to pee and shit themselves, denying them medical care, and some much deserved ridicule from the good men and women of law enforcement will just have to do. Good work.

These people are dangerous Mayor Quan. I would know, I spent much of the week in their company. I witnessed them on multiple occasions, prepare to turn an unused building six years vacant into an productive, cost-free asset to the entire community in which it sits. Furthermore, I saw many crimes during my brief stay in your city, including but not limited to: conspiracy to feed the community, aiding and abetting empowerment, attempting to chalk, first degree planning to occupy a vacant building, attempted occupation, etc.

If this isn’t felonious behavior, I don’t know what is.

Only your quick thinking and in-depth awareness of the situation’s complexity and nuance, saved the day.

Good time for a lucid moment between meds, mayor!

Who knows how bad things would have gotten at the YMCA that night had you not totally diffused and deescalated the situation first, by unleashing your savvy squad of mocking, jovial peace officers to indiscriminately shoot bullets, grenades, gas and spray into crowds of children and unarmed protesters all afternoon.

It was just the right amount of escalation, and precisely what the situation warranted. Mood changer!

I was not able to discern on my way out of the YMCA in the last group of kids just before the door slammed, imprisoning 24 other occupiers, if the four brave peace officers coming down the hall with loaded shotguns and closing fast clearly seen at the end of the enclosed video were the same cops shooting at the children unprovoked and laughing about it earlier or the officers I observed earlier hiding in bushes, but still. Lot o’ bravery there. I hope you have awards.

Although many YMCA members working out at the time you secured the building in this highly successful anti-insurgency operation were perhaps inconvenienced by their workout ending prematurely, to be rounded up for several hours and forced to produce a membership card or else be made to pee on themselves in jail, undoubtedly they will one day come to view their mandatory assistance in helping law enforcement “secure the perimeter” from these dangerous felons that night, with the kind of honor and pride one can only get while “helping” making one’s community safer at gunpoint while armed riot cops scrutinize your paperwork. “Zeigen sie uns Ihre unterlagen oder in den zug!”

Let me also take a moment to commend you on hiring policy mayor Quan. A wise choice, out of area ex-military personnel, the perfect fit for improving fractured community/police relations. Fresh off winning hearts and minds abroad, why not redeploy these paramilitary warrior PTSD time bombs all over the bay area to help hunt felons running a muck and screaming in fear in the YMCA? Determining “bogies” in insurgency warfare situations such as you’ve created in Oakland, where multiple insurgent targets are expertly disguised as civilians, WHILE comingling with civilians, is not for the weak or uninitiated. In fact, some Occupiers even HAVE YMCA cards! Only true experts on such matters such as you have staffed your police army with, like the ones who helped us win both wars in the Middle East, could be expected to pull off this kind of operation — with no casualties even! Let’s not forget that, as these YMCA felons in the weeks ahead grumble about being let in voluntarily and cling to the scant few archaic habeas corpus shards lingering in the judicial system.

Not.
One.
Fatality.

Things are looking up, Mayor Quan.

I think you should IMMEDIATELY use the video I’ve gratuitously provided to FIGHT your impending police dept. federal receivership due to ineptitude, by highlighting your recent success at the YMCA Saturday night. After all, 24 arrests inside the YMCA alone! I think even your most staunch detractor would agree: that’s a lot of felons.

Using paramilitary riot cops with weapons drawn in any business open and full of civilian customers to systematically hunt down unarmed children mingling with gym patrons at a moment’s notice is a great new addition to the toolbox in Oakland, California. What could go wrong? Plus, it builds public relations in the community and provides quite a hoot for your zealous cop army!

Two birds, one stone.

Boom.

In conclusion, Mayor Quan, the best thing about video evidence is that it really is indisputable. I am very much looking foreword to more documentation by innumerable other occupiers of you escalating these highly successful YMCA urban warfare tactics in the weeks ahead. Turning all of downtown Oakland into a real life war zone is the right play here mayor. The citizens of Oakland elected YOU to prevent Occupiers from: fighting for better pay and lives on behalf of the very cops hunting them at the YMCA and torturing them in jail; chalking up sidewalks; and committing who knows what other felonies to boot!

Once all the hubbub dies down, I’m thinking trophy.

Put it on the mantle there alongside all the great victories for bay area justice; Oscar Grant, Judi Bari, Darryl Cherney, George Jackson, Occupy Alcatraz, Huey Newton… gosh, the list is seemingly endless.

On second thought, put it in city hall at OGP just to the side of the door you left open while green lighting “Operation YMCA”. I hear some space just recently became available.

All the best with that receivership situation,

Arlo