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MacLaren Hall Survivors Weigh In On Its Future
We, the actual survivors of MacLaren Hall's horror *know* that the buildings and land at MacLaren Hall are haunted by brutalized children's souls, every day and night. MacLaren Hall was a battle zone for thousands of children who survived and still remember what happened there. Even as adults, many of us are still haunted by traumatic nightmares of the memory of children screaming in terror or grief as we cower in fear. To speak out loud of our experiences is devastating for many of us. We still have trouble even drawing pictures of what we saw. We sob when we try to testify about what we endured and what we witnessed, even though many of us are in our 50's! This tragedy did not end when those of us trapped in there "aged out."
July 23, 2007
To Whom It May Concern:
We, the below signed, are adult survivors of MacLaren Hall. We, as children, were warehoused in what can only be termed as an "asylum" or "concentration camp," as we were warehoused in the cheapest possible way, en masse, in MacLaren Hall, for decades, due to what adults did to us.
Because of wrongs done to us, as children, by adults, the State of California, and the County of Los Angeles, we request you hear our pleas today about the future of MacLaren Hall. Our stories of surviving MacLaren Hall are as hidden as all of our records from MacLaren Hall which the County claims it has "misplaced" and "lost." We are still dealing with the aftermath of the horrors of what we saw in MacLaren Hall as children and teens, in our adult years. In MacLaren Hall, children were brutalized, raped, molested, beaten, tortured, and yes, even killed.
Due to the extreme violence that occurred in the past on the grounds of MacLaren Hall, we are asking for special consideration before you move forward with changes to the buildings and land there, so soon after its closing in 2003. We, the survivors of MacLaren Hall, need closure and some form of acknowledgement before you move forward with any alteration or change of the MacLaren Hall site. As survivors of one of the most notoriously brutal child "protection" institutions in America, we request that survivors of MacLaren Hall be made an integral part of the decision-making process as to what is to become of the land and buildings at MacLaren Hall.
We, the actual survivors of MacLaren Hall's horror *know* that the buildings and land at MacLaren Hall are haunted by brutalized children's souls, every day and night. MacLaren Hall was a battle zone for thousands of children who survived and still remember what happened
there. Even as adults, many of us are still haunted by traumatic nightmares of the memory of children screaming in terror or grief as we cower in fear. To speak out loud of our experiences is devastating for many of us. We still have trouble even drawing pictures of what we saw. We sob when we try to testify about what we endured and what we witnessed, even though many of us are in our 50's! This tragedy did not end when those of us trapped in there "aged out" at 18. And the trauma stayed with us when we left. MacLaren Hall is a mark on all of us who experienced it first hand. It is time we are given a voice here.
Much as Native American gravesites are considered sacred, and just as Nazi concentration camp survivors fought to stop construction over past concentration camp sites, even after Nazis had razed the buildings and land to hide the atrocities that had existed there, there is a need for human dignity. For you to move forward with any change to that MacLaren Hall site without consulting us, the survivors, is an egregious insult that minimizes the abuse we endured at a government facility that was supposed to protect us.
As we said, the County already has denied all of us (who requested them) our records from MacLaren Hall. It implies that our tortured childhoods are irrelevant, unimportant. It adds insult to horrific injury. We are here, as a group, to tell you that the trauma MacLaren Hall created in *children's* lives, lives on in us AS ADULTS, for some of us some 40 years later!
We, the survivors feel you must not only consult us on what WE need from that site, but we feel that the State of California and County of Los Angeles have an obligation to give us the opportunity to find some type of healing or closure from what can only be deemed severe child abuse at the hands of Los Angeles County from the 1950's to the 2000's, at MacLaren Hall. To just move forward with that site, without consulting us completely disregards what we
children went through at the hands of the state, county and adults around us.
We have organized to give ONE VOICE to survivors so you cannot pretend this is just one person's complaint. We are organizing adult survivors of MacLaren Hall, we are pursuing legal representation as a class, and we need to be consulted if any action is taken regarding the MacLaren Hall site. We demand that the state and county fly ANY AND ALL of the MacLaren Hall survivors to the site for a memorial to the souls still trapped there, and to our souls that were severely damaged there.
We believe a PUBLIC APOLOGY from officials of Los Angeles County and the State of California for the abuse we endured as children, as well as the abuse we witnessed, is reasonable and appropriate. We demand we be allowed to put PUBLIC TESTIMONY ON RECORD, to testify as to the physical, sexual and psychological brutality we endured in MacLaren Hall, for the purpose of focusing public attention so that it does not occur again. We demand Los Angeles County and the State pay for all of our costs associated with therapy and treatment that we have incurred in an attempt to move on in our lives and to recover from the memories of what we experienced in MacLaren Hall as well as costs for the therapy and treatment for survivors who have not yet sought treatment.
We demand a "DAY OF REMEMBERANCE" at the MacLaren Hall site, as it is right now, before you make any changes to the site. We demand the State and County pay for every single cent involved with the trips for ANY MacLaren Hall survivor who would like to come to that remembrance day as well, as many of us live in other states now, yet spend our nights lost in nightmares at MacLaren Hall still We demand accountability and copies of our own records from the State regarding who had custody of us and why, for every week that we were in State custody, to give us the opportunity to further seek closure.
To date, not one MacLaren Hall survivor has been given a copy of their records from the period they were confined there. Many of us have filed all of the proper paperwork for these records with the County and were callously told that our records were misplaced, lost in a fire, etc. To
our knowledge, no one is making any effort to find them. To just erase our childhoods, and all records of all of the social workers, police, judges, etc. involved with our incarcerations in MacLaren Hall is appalling enough, then to erase the grounds now as well, is frighteningly similar to what the Nazi's did to cover up their torture and it raises red flags for us.
Children who were molested by Catholic priests in Los Angeles were allowed to sue the Catholic Church decades after the abuse, long after the statute of limitations (SOL) had expired, due to special waiving of the SOL by the State. We would like the state to waive the SOL on MacLaren Hall molestations, rapes, beatings, even deaths, as well so that we, too, can find closure and recover damages. We are writing you today to tell you we are here. We survived and we have vivid memories that are echoed in articles by journalists such as Ed Hume with the Los
Angeles Times. It is time we are respected, acknowledged and given our dignity back.
At this point, until the State can find its records of abuse for several decades at MacLaren Hall, the only decent use for that land is a MEMORIAL to foster kids and the unwanted children traumatized on those grounds, heartlessly, without any accountability on the part of the county, state, or adults involved, for decades, by the very people who were PAID to protect us. We, the survivors, need to be the DRIVING force behind what happens to the MacLaren Hall grounds.
We cannot risk more foster kids being tortured (under the guise of "helping" them) on that site. We cannot risk the loss of the records of new children brought to that site. Los Angeles County must have a realistic plan in place to prevent these abuses from occurring again.
We beg you listen to our pleas and to respect and acknowledge the suffering we, the survivors, endured at MacLaren Hall. We beg you finally give us the dignity we so fully deserve. We beg you listen to our demands and repay us with accountability and damages.
You can reach MacLaren Hall Survivors by emailing machallsurvivors [at] lists.riseup.net.
Sincerely,
Kirsten Anderberg, Seattle, WA
Roxanne Sterling-Astor, Ben Lomand, CA
Anita Bissett
Perry Cornwell
Dove, Linden, TX
Carmelita Hill, Cookville, TN
Leslie O. Kloman, Aurora, CO
Robert Simmons, Danbury, CT
DV, North Bergen, NJ
Christopher Whitehouse
To Whom It May Concern:
We, the below signed, are adult survivors of MacLaren Hall. We, as children, were warehoused in what can only be termed as an "asylum" or "concentration camp," as we were warehoused in the cheapest possible way, en masse, in MacLaren Hall, for decades, due to what adults did to us.
Because of wrongs done to us, as children, by adults, the State of California, and the County of Los Angeles, we request you hear our pleas today about the future of MacLaren Hall. Our stories of surviving MacLaren Hall are as hidden as all of our records from MacLaren Hall which the County claims it has "misplaced" and "lost." We are still dealing with the aftermath of the horrors of what we saw in MacLaren Hall as children and teens, in our adult years. In MacLaren Hall, children were brutalized, raped, molested, beaten, tortured, and yes, even killed.
Due to the extreme violence that occurred in the past on the grounds of MacLaren Hall, we are asking for special consideration before you move forward with changes to the buildings and land there, so soon after its closing in 2003. We, the survivors of MacLaren Hall, need closure and some form of acknowledgement before you move forward with any alteration or change of the MacLaren Hall site. As survivors of one of the most notoriously brutal child "protection" institutions in America, we request that survivors of MacLaren Hall be made an integral part of the decision-making process as to what is to become of the land and buildings at MacLaren Hall.
We, the actual survivors of MacLaren Hall's horror *know* that the buildings and land at MacLaren Hall are haunted by brutalized children's souls, every day and night. MacLaren Hall was a battle zone for thousands of children who survived and still remember what happened
there. Even as adults, many of us are still haunted by traumatic nightmares of the memory of children screaming in terror or grief as we cower in fear. To speak out loud of our experiences is devastating for many of us. We still have trouble even drawing pictures of what we saw. We sob when we try to testify about what we endured and what we witnessed, even though many of us are in our 50's! This tragedy did not end when those of us trapped in there "aged out" at 18. And the trauma stayed with us when we left. MacLaren Hall is a mark on all of us who experienced it first hand. It is time we are given a voice here.
Much as Native American gravesites are considered sacred, and just as Nazi concentration camp survivors fought to stop construction over past concentration camp sites, even after Nazis had razed the buildings and land to hide the atrocities that had existed there, there is a need for human dignity. For you to move forward with any change to that MacLaren Hall site without consulting us, the survivors, is an egregious insult that minimizes the abuse we endured at a government facility that was supposed to protect us.
As we said, the County already has denied all of us (who requested them) our records from MacLaren Hall. It implies that our tortured childhoods are irrelevant, unimportant. It adds insult to horrific injury. We are here, as a group, to tell you that the trauma MacLaren Hall created in *children's* lives, lives on in us AS ADULTS, for some of us some 40 years later!
We, the survivors feel you must not only consult us on what WE need from that site, but we feel that the State of California and County of Los Angeles have an obligation to give us the opportunity to find some type of healing or closure from what can only be deemed severe child abuse at the hands of Los Angeles County from the 1950's to the 2000's, at MacLaren Hall. To just move forward with that site, without consulting us completely disregards what we
children went through at the hands of the state, county and adults around us.
We have organized to give ONE VOICE to survivors so you cannot pretend this is just one person's complaint. We are organizing adult survivors of MacLaren Hall, we are pursuing legal representation as a class, and we need to be consulted if any action is taken regarding the MacLaren Hall site. We demand that the state and county fly ANY AND ALL of the MacLaren Hall survivors to the site for a memorial to the souls still trapped there, and to our souls that were severely damaged there.
We believe a PUBLIC APOLOGY from officials of Los Angeles County and the State of California for the abuse we endured as children, as well as the abuse we witnessed, is reasonable and appropriate. We demand we be allowed to put PUBLIC TESTIMONY ON RECORD, to testify as to the physical, sexual and psychological brutality we endured in MacLaren Hall, for the purpose of focusing public attention so that it does not occur again. We demand Los Angeles County and the State pay for all of our costs associated with therapy and treatment that we have incurred in an attempt to move on in our lives and to recover from the memories of what we experienced in MacLaren Hall as well as costs for the therapy and treatment for survivors who have not yet sought treatment.
We demand a "DAY OF REMEMBERANCE" at the MacLaren Hall site, as it is right now, before you make any changes to the site. We demand the State and County pay for every single cent involved with the trips for ANY MacLaren Hall survivor who would like to come to that remembrance day as well, as many of us live in other states now, yet spend our nights lost in nightmares at MacLaren Hall still We demand accountability and copies of our own records from the State regarding who had custody of us and why, for every week that we were in State custody, to give us the opportunity to further seek closure.
To date, not one MacLaren Hall survivor has been given a copy of their records from the period they were confined there. Many of us have filed all of the proper paperwork for these records with the County and were callously told that our records were misplaced, lost in a fire, etc. To
our knowledge, no one is making any effort to find them. To just erase our childhoods, and all records of all of the social workers, police, judges, etc. involved with our incarcerations in MacLaren Hall is appalling enough, then to erase the grounds now as well, is frighteningly similar to what the Nazi's did to cover up their torture and it raises red flags for us.
Children who were molested by Catholic priests in Los Angeles were allowed to sue the Catholic Church decades after the abuse, long after the statute of limitations (SOL) had expired, due to special waiving of the SOL by the State. We would like the state to waive the SOL on MacLaren Hall molestations, rapes, beatings, even deaths, as well so that we, too, can find closure and recover damages. We are writing you today to tell you we are here. We survived and we have vivid memories that are echoed in articles by journalists such as Ed Hume with the Los
Angeles Times. It is time we are respected, acknowledged and given our dignity back.
At this point, until the State can find its records of abuse for several decades at MacLaren Hall, the only decent use for that land is a MEMORIAL to foster kids and the unwanted children traumatized on those grounds, heartlessly, without any accountability on the part of the county, state, or adults involved, for decades, by the very people who were PAID to protect us. We, the survivors, need to be the DRIVING force behind what happens to the MacLaren Hall grounds.
We cannot risk more foster kids being tortured (under the guise of "helping" them) on that site. We cannot risk the loss of the records of new children brought to that site. Los Angeles County must have a realistic plan in place to prevent these abuses from occurring again.
We beg you listen to our pleas and to respect and acknowledge the suffering we, the survivors, endured at MacLaren Hall. We beg you finally give us the dignity we so fully deserve. We beg you listen to our demands and repay us with accountability and damages.
You can reach MacLaren Hall Survivors by emailing machallsurvivors [at] lists.riseup.net.
Sincerely,
Kirsten Anderberg, Seattle, WA
Roxanne Sterling-Astor, Ben Lomand, CA
Anita Bissett
Perry Cornwell
Dove, Linden, TX
Carmelita Hill, Cookville, TN
Leslie O. Kloman, Aurora, CO
Robert Simmons, Danbury, CT
DV, North Bergen, NJ
Christopher Whitehouse
For more information:
http://resist.ca/~kirstena/pagemachallsurv...
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I remember as a child being a MacLaren Hall I remember people being beaten children crying kids yelling for help we were told to get naked in front of adults take showers where other people's clothing rushed to eat told to go to bed early had to get up early and attend school on the premises the memories are still painful of this event I think I was about 10 11 12 round 1983 84 85 86 somewhere in there
Hi all , I recently read just within this last month that Mac is finally closed , I had the unfortunate dismay of being a resident on multiple occasions between 6-9 stays and on the last stay I was put to work in the mail room which was the best part of all the stays as long as I was left alone to stuff envelopes and place stamps on envelopes and get them ready for the mail , I honestly don’t even know what I was getting ready to mail as I was beyond happy to be out of K cottage , when I was aware of the fact Mac was closed I cried out of uncontrollable emotion of devastated from all the memories and joy knowing that they finally heard our voice , I was one of the chosen to be picked on by staff and subjected to stop searches belongings being destroyed as it was explained to me as regular contraband search , the shower curtains received during the late 90’s you’re welcome ? it only took a failed attempt of putting up a sheet and the bench being broken making it possible for my face to collide with the wall and a black eye to receive shower curtains , ? I think the constant mistreatment of being restrained, yelled at , told i couldn’t use the restroom when needed and the simple fact I was an easy target by staff especially because I’m gay hence having 2 boyfriends but no more not again beside the point , I was mentally unstable with behavior issues they seemed to most nights enjoy making me feel so bad and unwanted that I hid under our crappy blankets and either cried myself to sleep or on some nights didn’t sleep or was forced to rest my feet on the pull out draw of the bed ( yes I was in the hallway) and proceed to throw the blanket over me and rock myself to sleep , that was of course if I wasn’t stuck in the infirmary from the multiple trip I made every visit due to intestinal viruses put on all liquid diet , I honestly have 3 fond memories, #1 celebrity day that we had track and field and got a pair of Addis shoes , a Addis shirt along with Addis shorts , meeting Bob Hope , Debra Cox , along with multiple other celebrities it was a day that we actually got human contact that was not belittling or scolding or correcting us , we could breath and we got Addis stuff which to me was like Christmas along with being treated and talked to like a human beings
#2 the store which we could buy items from with said earned points which in all my stays I think I got to go a total of 3-4 times but I remember buying a really awesome jacket that I absolutely loved because like I said I didn’t really get a chance to go often and usually didn’t have points to buy anything but maybe a soda , the jacket was a tan ish color , with square pockets in front with plaid lining , I wore that jacket out with a since of self accomplishment lol
#3 last but never least and for sure the most important the other residents in which we found comfort in each other connecting with individuals that sometimes we would never see again and yet the support received from those that found common ground or made the stay bearable at times because we found escape in being able to connect with others living in the same nightmare and were able to create incredible bonds and emotional healing being able to share our stories with each other along with the sweet escape of laughter shared which was one thing that helped me survive everyday ❤️❤️❤️
those are the the 3 positive things I can say I can create out of my memories from Mac , any one remember the multiple escapes from I think it was either the kitchen or laundry room ??? just gotta get through the double doors ? I can’t even count how many attempted !!! Now you have read my story I encourage others to share and if you possibly recognize me or know I know you please say hi , most of you didn’t know I had and have epilepsy along with stuff you do know like I’m kinda crazy but mostly in a good way lmao ? I have a really bad memory and over the years I’ve had my share of seizures and mental breaks that my memory has been effected I with might think you look familiar but literally can’t remember because I have either blocked memories or have lost memories, I know I know a lot of y’all Mac survivors but I can count on my hands how many names I completely remember and that mainly because I have them written on my drawing books or note pads , so please don’t feel shy just tell me hey you better remember me and please let’s share with each other!!! I remember dance times that staff use to control and break up if we had to much fun , walking the track trying to very discreetly smoke a cigarette, remember just keep the cig moving so the smoke didn’t show then inhale and slowly release for the smoke didn’t appear trying to imagine what was on the other side of the wall and hey was I the only one who thought maybe we could dig under !!! Lol one thing I don’t miss is TUFF deodorant lmao and the awful soap and harsh water that made me realize I had eczema but only flared the worst at Mac , and having to be on lock down or watch staff treat others Awful as we screamed at them we were going to tell , well during my last stay at 18 I had been through enough to know that the activities like strip searches belittling , destruction of property or deliberately singling out residents at times just about turning the majority of the cottage against them through bullying and blame of disciplinary being due to then target someone out time after time trying to leave it in our hands to try to enforce the cooperation through peer pressure instead of creating a safe environment for us where we got peace of mind from the experience we were already going through and the feeling of safety for us they provided most if not all of us with harmful memories that have scared our emotions and for some may never recover and for others able to heal but never forget and for even some who either never made it out of the walls of Mac or when beyond the walls created unmanageable psychological damage and could not continue life or for some creating a very unhealthy set of coping skills may we always remember those in our prayers always remembering but at the same time be even that more determined to heal as much trauma as possible, sorry so long , guess this subject weight on my mind is really mentally heavy but this is my story and account of events and with not only mine but all those that either made a lawsuit for sheer fact it would go on record and eventually our voice would be heard or those that shared thank you
❤️we have been heard ❤️
#2 the store which we could buy items from with said earned points which in all my stays I think I got to go a total of 3-4 times but I remember buying a really awesome jacket that I absolutely loved because like I said I didn’t really get a chance to go often and usually didn’t have points to buy anything but maybe a soda , the jacket was a tan ish color , with square pockets in front with plaid lining , I wore that jacket out with a since of self accomplishment lol
#3 last but never least and for sure the most important the other residents in which we found comfort in each other connecting with individuals that sometimes we would never see again and yet the support received from those that found common ground or made the stay bearable at times because we found escape in being able to connect with others living in the same nightmare and were able to create incredible bonds and emotional healing being able to share our stories with each other along with the sweet escape of laughter shared which was one thing that helped me survive everyday ❤️❤️❤️
those are the the 3 positive things I can say I can create out of my memories from Mac , any one remember the multiple escapes from I think it was either the kitchen or laundry room ??? just gotta get through the double doors ? I can’t even count how many attempted !!! Now you have read my story I encourage others to share and if you possibly recognize me or know I know you please say hi , most of you didn’t know I had and have epilepsy along with stuff you do know like I’m kinda crazy but mostly in a good way lmao ? I have a really bad memory and over the years I’ve had my share of seizures and mental breaks that my memory has been effected I with might think you look familiar but literally can’t remember because I have either blocked memories or have lost memories, I know I know a lot of y’all Mac survivors but I can count on my hands how many names I completely remember and that mainly because I have them written on my drawing books or note pads , so please don’t feel shy just tell me hey you better remember me and please let’s share with each other!!! I remember dance times that staff use to control and break up if we had to much fun , walking the track trying to very discreetly smoke a cigarette, remember just keep the cig moving so the smoke didn’t show then inhale and slowly release for the smoke didn’t appear trying to imagine what was on the other side of the wall and hey was I the only one who thought maybe we could dig under !!! Lol one thing I don’t miss is TUFF deodorant lmao and the awful soap and harsh water that made me realize I had eczema but only flared the worst at Mac , and having to be on lock down or watch staff treat others Awful as we screamed at them we were going to tell , well during my last stay at 18 I had been through enough to know that the activities like strip searches belittling , destruction of property or deliberately singling out residents at times just about turning the majority of the cottage against them through bullying and blame of disciplinary being due to then target someone out time after time trying to leave it in our hands to try to enforce the cooperation through peer pressure instead of creating a safe environment for us where we got peace of mind from the experience we were already going through and the feeling of safety for us they provided most if not all of us with harmful memories that have scared our emotions and for some may never recover and for others able to heal but never forget and for even some who either never made it out of the walls of Mac or when beyond the walls created unmanageable psychological damage and could not continue life or for some creating a very unhealthy set of coping skills may we always remember those in our prayers always remembering but at the same time be even that more determined to heal as much trauma as possible, sorry so long , guess this subject weight on my mind is really mentally heavy but this is my story and account of events and with not only mine but all those that either made a lawsuit for sheer fact it would go on record and eventually our voice would be heard or those that shared thank you
❤️we have been heard ❤️
My brothers and sisters and I were placed here in the 50’s I was 4 years old and remember it vividly. To this day I don’t like a closed bedroom door , and the smell of cafeteria food and the clanking dishes snaps me back to those memories every time . Staff was cruel we were placed in separate cells and I remember crying til they opened my door yanked me out and threw me in a cell with my sister . Big heavy metal doors with a small glass window at the top , with metal framed beds anchored to the floor . Some of us went to foster homes , and my youngest brother remained for over a year until he was adopted . I reconnected with him as an adult and learned his fate . As an adult I volunteered there in an effort to gain some kind of closure , and took a job as a nurse at several children’s facilities in Los Angeles county . Thank God this place is shut down , I remember hearing the good news . Forget about finding any records they were all destroyed . I hope all of the children there were able to overcome the nightmare but sadly I know that’s not the case. I still have depression on occasion when I remember those days .Bless us all .
I was at MacLaren Hall in the early 80's. It was awful. Coming from an abused home and locked in a cell at night. We were abused, neglected, sometimes didn't have food, there were fights all the time and and we never had clean clothing. Where do we try to get out file from when we were there and how do we become part of the class action lawsuit?
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